Posted on by rdlankes

Personal: Use Cancer

This post is not about libraries, librarianship, or information science. If you are here for that, please skip it.

I am a scholar, a librarian, a father, husband, son, brother, and much more. Yet my public face is deliberately about my professional life. When I posted about my cancer diagnosis it was more an explanation of my cutting back on travel than anything else. However, I have been reading and benefitting from other lymphoma patients’ blogs and I am reminded that while there is an amazing universe of cancer information and support out there already, there is always room to enrich that universe and serve as a portal to it. So, while this blog will not chronicle my personal journey with the disease, I feel obligated to share at least what I am learning on the way.

Here is the only advice I feel qualified to give: use cancer. I don’t mean use it as an excuse to get out of obligations or things you don’t want to do. I don’t mean to use it in like some idealized country song to skydive and bull ride.

I mean use cancer as an excuse to talk to your thirteen year old about his life and get on the floor to build Legos with your ten year old. As a dear friend from my childhood once asked as we were sharing stories of new fatherhood: when did we forget how to just play. Use cancer to learn how to simply play again.

Use cancer to have a date night with your wife even if it is cuddled up in a hospital bed watching basketball and Netflix. Use cancer to sit holding her on the couch instead of the big comfy chair. Use cancer to remind yourself she needs to hear you laugh as well as know why you sigh. Find a song that makes you both cry together.

Use cancer to talk to your mother about God, and your dead father, and her fears and dreams. Realize how scared and angry and helpless and even guilty you would feel if it was your child with lymphoma and realize that is how she is feeling. Use cancer to be a better son.

Use cancer to learn. Learn how your body works and find that brother in law that can explain lymphocytes, platelets, and the reason you are losing your hair. And learn that if he does it while sending you pictures of naked mole rats and asks for pictures of your bruised ass to show to his freshmen biology class at the same time you are truly blessed.

Use cancer to teach. Use it as a way to make people aware of warning signs, yes. But use cancer to teach a friend or colleague how to talk openly about a disease, what questions can’t be answered, what questions are too painful to answer. Teach doctors that patients are more than conditions to treat and that diagnosis are much less painful than uncertainty.

Use cancer to see the best in people. See how nurses can do their job, teach, and comfort at the same time. Use cancer to take the time to realize as the doctor thrusts a steal pin in your hip for a bone marrow biopsy the nurse not only hands the doctor the right needle, but reaches out to hold your hand.

Use cancer to see that you are not alone. That the network of friends and colleagues and family suddenly go from an invisible web to a team that feeds you, comforts you, sits with you in the hospital at 5 am after a double shift, and loves you. See it in the parking attendant who for years you waved at and said goodnight to, one day stops you to ask if you are ok and upon the news of your cancer tells you he’ll be praying for you.

Use cancer to realize that if it is your children, or your work, or that network of family and friends, you will someday leave a legacy. A legacy that can only be built by your actions and decisions. Use cancer to hone that legacy, and act and decide toward what you will leave behind.

I have seen all the cancer slogans, and love them all. “Kick cancer’s ass.” “F@(k cancer.” “Cancer fears me.” I’ve been told that even at the beginning of this journey I am a “cancer survivor.” For me that one seems premature. But I am not a cancer victim. Yes I could die from this or some random virus I get because what little immune system I have left can’t fight it off. But that won’t be my legacy. Dying from cancer will not be my decision, nor will I learn to die. I will not use cancer to give up. Dying from cancer will not make me noble, anymore than a freak mutation of DNA makes me any wiser – unless I use cancer to become so.

73 Replies to “Personal: Use Cancer”

  2. Dave, all of us who have been moved to action by your words and who have been inspired to be better than we were the day before by your fearlessness are with you, every step of the way. Praying and rooting for you. Sue

  4. Dave, I’m reading this as I drive to my father’s funeral (he died last week from leukemia). If he wrote like you, he would have said the same thing. Thanks for putting this into words, and as always, so well. My thoughts are with you.

  5. This is one of the most beautiful and true things I have ever, ever, read, David. Thank you for putting your thoughts into such perfectly pure and direct language. This has so much meaning for me.
    I am holding your hand when you need it – even from this distance!

  6. Wow! This post reminds me of why I always considered you one of my favorite professors. You have always had a great knack with words and a passion that you share with others. I wish you all the best and am sending many healing vibes your way. (as well as some energy vibes to allow you to play more)

  7. David, would that we could achieve the kind of focus and clarity that you have now without something like cancer to wake us up, as it were. Lacking the experience, we can try to truly heed your words. Thank you, as always, for your insights. Jane

  11. thank you. you are not alone, and, thanks to this article, my dear friend will feel inspired and more alive than ever.

  12. Professor Lankes. First off, you’re gonna beat this thing & my heart is with you and your family. And second, I read this post today on the day I just found out my father’s cancer has come back. I needed this post. I can’t thank you enough. It’s exactly what I need and will share with my family. Again, thank you!

  13. @librarianview Thanks you for this post. Two great colleagues of mine just diagnosed with cancer…your post is right on. I will keep you in my prayers along their journey. Blessings to you.

  14. You may not have posted this as a teacher, but still… you teach. It’s just in you, and you’re wonderful. Your perspective and attitude are inspiring, Dave! It was great to see you last week and I hope you continue to feel well and strong.

  15. Dave, thank you for this post of truth. Actually, it’s a post about everything – that matters. I’m praying and sending strengthening breaths for you and your family. Love to you all.

  16. When I finished reading this I felt like I needed to get my smartphone, use my light app and wave my arm in the air. You inspire me to be more. I continue to pray for your health to improve.

  17. Words cannot express my deep emotions after reading this post. The love of my life, my soul mate, died of a brain tumor in 2006. I wish I knew then, what I know now. Thank you so much, and my prayers and thoughts are with you and your family as you defeat cancer!

  18. Thank you for sharing this — it was beautiful. My Grandmother is suffering bravely through chemotherapy at the moment and I will pass this along to her.

  20. Thanks for posting this, Dave. It’s a great reminder of what’s important in life. It was really good to see you at faculty planning day.

    1. As a mom and a friend, I am inspired by your words and awed by your introspection. Thank you for sharing. Thinking of you all.

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